Total Bull and the Buffalo Read online

Total Bull and the Buffalo by Rick Talbot

  Copyright © 2012 by Rick Talbot. All Rights Reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form.

  Second Edition

  ISBN 978-0-9881371-0-3

  Please visit www.ricktalbot.com to learn about my new novel Breaking Young Divinities and other forthcoming work.

  Contents

  Copyright Information

  The Story

  Notes and Credits

  Total Bull and the Buffalo

  *** Buffalo (n.) - 1. An industrial city in the North, known mostly for cross-border shopping. 2. a freshwater fish (Ictiobus cyprinellus) related to the carp. ***

  Total Bull returned to his stall in the suburbs after a particularly bullish day at the office.

  “What a day that was! I got so much work done, but I feel incredibly unaccomplished.”

  Total Bull wondered about this, and about the feeling of emptiness in his stomachs.

  “Mmm... Haven’t chowed-down for a few hours,” he said. He went to the kitchen, where his wife had just finished cooking some vegetable lasagna.

  “Oh, my lovely wife, I’m so happy to see you!”

  “Don’t lovely wife me! You’re late! Where have you been?” his wife asked.

  She placed a trough of food in front of him with a grunt. Total Bull sat down at the table and began to eat from the trough.

  “I’m sorry. We all had to stay late at the office to work on the new advertising campaign.”

  “Well, I’m glad that you’re home,” she said. Total Bull thought that she sounded sarcastic.

  His stomachs felt a little better after finishing his meal.

  “That really hit the spot. But you know, I feel this strange emptiness down in the pit of my stomachs.”

  “Interesting. Take some antacid,” she said. She batted some Rolaids(r) at him and gruffly hoofed out of the house.

  Total Bull went outside and found his wife strolling through the paddock.

  “Feel better?” she asked.

  “Kind of. I think I’m going to go out for a bit. Is that ok? Let me know if anyone calls while I’m gone?”

  “Oh yes, please go out for a while.”

  “Okay.”

  “Why don’t you take some animal cookies with you.”

  “Great idea. You know how much I love animal cookies. I’ll have some little two-dimensional companions for my outing.”

  “Have fun.”

  *** Buffalo wing (n.) - crispy spicy chicken wings. ***

  Now Total Bull went to a place that he had heard of some time ago, although he had never paid it much attention. It was a place to encounter the “inner-self.” He found himself in a square room with other bovines who, much like him, sat apart from each other with a blank look in their eyes. The meeting started. The group leader, who was wearing a lavish suit designed by Cowvin, spoke confidently.

  “Welcome brothers and sisters. You have come here because you are missing something, and I am here to help you discover what that thing is. Let us all sit in a circle and join hooves, and then we can tell us about each other. You go first.”

  The group leader pointed at the cow to Total Bull’s left.

  “Hi, My name is Brown Cow. Umm, I work in the entertainment industry – catering, parties, cocktail events. It used to feel like one big party after another, but now it’s just tiring.”

  “So, that’s why you’re here,” the group leader said.

  “Yes.”

  “Thank you. Okay, and you?”

  The group leader pointed at Total Bull.

  “Oh, hi, I’m Total Bull. I work in marketing. It’s great. Long hours. Meaningless. That kind of thing.”

  “And that’s why you’re here.”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, thank you. And you?”

  The cow to Total Bull’s right spoke next, and each bovine in turn spoke a little about his or her own life. The leader went on to tell them how to visualize their own spiritual “oneness” in order to gain success in business and love.

  “Well, that’s the end of our meeting. When you go home tonight, I want you to visualize your own spiritual wholeness, and see your spirit bringing you success in business and love. See you next week, and please don’t forget to leave your twenty dollars in the donation box at the back.”

  Total Bull put the money in the donation box, but he didn’t really feel that he had gotten twenty dollars closer to finding what he was missing.

  He treaded by a bulletin board on the way out of the building. An advertisement was tacked on the board. It read: ‘Are you tired of New Age encounter sessions that don’t get you any closer to one-ness? Come to the medicine wheel ceremonies of Light Beer. Learn the traditional ways of healing the self. - Sponsored by the Upper Holstein County New Age Society.’

  “This seems interesting. Maybe a more traditional way of looking at things will help me find what I’m looking for.”

  He noticed the location of the event, and realized that he would have to stampede in order to get there on time.